Finding God, or to express it better, cultivating a relationship with God has been a bit like trying to find Nemo in a vast wilderness. Finding church fellowship and finding myself was the easy part. Finding the place where and how God wants me has been fraught with difficulty, it isn’t easy swimming against the tide.
Having been afflicted by multiple traumas has tested my faith to its limits. But my journey towards restoration in this season has needed more than what I have been able to do humanly. Knowing that I can not do this work independently of God has been revelatory and liberating. Knowing that I can partner with this amazing God has helped me to deepen my faith in a way I once thought inconceivable – how could I know what I did not know?
Increasingly, I liken it to falling in love, or the birth of a new baby. It is a love that is unconditional, unimaginable and it is available to one and all. It is like a whole new dimension. It has to be experienced since no amount of intellectual power can bring this into being. For me, a good news story hinges not so much on one event but the unraveling of this new dimension, a new way of seeing, a new way of being. “Wearing God’s glasses”.
I have no right to happiness but I do have the right to be the full expression of my self, the multi layered, gifted and messy version of me that I am co authoring and co creating with God. It is not so much about finding but surrendering and yielding to God’s will. A prayerful and meditative disposition is helping me to foster grace and humility. This requires a vow of commitment. It is an act of human and spiritual discipline. Not just on a Sunday, not just in response to enfolding events but in every breath, every thought, every dream, every decision and every action. By yielding to God in prayer and in service, God finds you, God finds me, God finds us. Abba Daddy finds us in those moments and in those lives when we each peer into heaven. Little Nemo was never truly lost but in his wandering and in his wondering, he grew into himself. A loving, spirit filled child of God.
These sentiments are, at this point of my journey, best captured in this beautiful piece of music: https://youtu.be/rwLHr9vNwcQ God sometimes speaks to me through the medium of music and other languages. The lyrics in this exquisite video are helpfully shown in Spanish and English. I hope this good news story will bring you comfort, strength and inspiration to those that pray for and seek it.
I Am With You.
Do you remember the beach?
Exploring the shoreline for treasure.
You picked up a seashell
And through its cavernous opening,
You were invited to explore the ocean’s mystery.
Its dreams unravel a mythical journey,
Exciting the infant’s imagination.
This magical story unfolds in your palm
As you gazed out at its vastness.
At that moment;
There you are.
Have you ever listened to the voice of the ocean?
Today, her cries grow louder.
Tormented echoes are being sent
Through rising currents
And her aquatic kin;
The dolphin and the whale.
Their ancient and peaceful rhythms disturbed.
From the depths of the ocean
Comes a message,
Vociferous in emotion.
On those gallant white horses,
Rides a pseudo exclamation.
Toxicity slithers in the ether,
Poisoning the soul within her.
Carried by her majestic waves,
Sent to overpower prosperity’s slaves.
Trading madness for stillness,
We add to her illness.
In man’s haste to consume
She will slowly subsume.
Humanity and insanity;
An approach we must trade,
Else the portent of Armageddon
Will be tragically played.
Deafened by greed,
Man is hurtling
Towards death and destruction.
Do not be deceived.
‘Prosperity’ wears a seductive dark cloak
Worn by the Devil himself.
Rising tide of danger.
Swollen by melting ice;
Extinction will be the price.
The planet is in pain,
Through drought and rain.
Let us pray
For her watery spirit.
And that those cries,
Do not grow too faint.
Should icy blood drip from her poles,
The ocean’s new chorus to the cosmos
Save all our souls.
When you cannot listen to the ocean;
You are not.
Written December, 2000.