What is it about Facebook? Since separating from my wife, its usefulness has oscillated between that of a lifeline, stable friend and emotional crutch.
Having reached my lowest ebb, I have considered filing divorce proceedings with Facebook, if not a trial separation, to see if we can reconcile our differences. But alas, I am increasingly struck by the futility of such a manoeuvre. Since it can only enable me to avoid the need for self discipline. And it has also occurred to me that my virtual life, to one degree or another, simply reflects the essence of my human existence.
Yes, social networking fatigue has caught up with me. It being the culmination of my own behaviours, stemming from difficult circumstances in which I played my part. To blame others, or something, can only serve to sustain my unhappiness. So it is about rediscovering my spiritual centre ground.
Amusingly, a friend of mine who shares this grudging embrace of Facebook, described once how not being on Facebook casted you as “some sort of social leper”. This continues to amuse me. How two grumpy middle-aged men can unite against something that many perceive to be a common source of twenty first century angst.
Separation devastated me, producing a perfect storm that unleashed a whole series of bereavements. In its wake, my deep seated fear of being alone paralyzed me and isolated me from the very people and resources I needed. Facebook and the Internet in general provided me with a false centre ground. Situated between two choices; that of isolation and reconnecting with the wider world. It was fear that propelled me to this unhappy place; a place removed from the joys of meeting people in their glorious imperfection.
So there you have it. Centre ground, balance, self discipline, authenticity. These are the behaviours and habits that will help me redress matters. It’s important to feel compassion for myself, as strange as that may seem. Compassion is the only route to recovery. A sprinkling of compassion and courage is all I need to re-engage with life itself.
As I venture towards tomorrow, I can’t help but peer into the near horizon and 2014. I can only envision a happier and healthier existence. Where Facebook knows its place and moreover, I know mine.
12th October, 2013